It seems like I’ve grown so… peaceful. I feel like a hippie. I enjoy biking around because to enjoy the weather and the motion. The other day, I even felt like doing volunteer work. It was quite an odd feeling. What is new in my life that is causing this change? Maybe it’s just all the little things that add up.
I’ve been seeing the best in the people… or rather, I forgive them for the things they’ve done or do. I’m not saying some people are emotionally or psychologically doomed, but I accept people for their shortcomings. I suppose I should be careful not to pity people or be condescending else it would be interpreted the wrong way.
I need to read more books because I’m losing my vocabulary, or rather, my ability to piece together eloquent sentences. I can’t even begin to count how many times I’ve stopped mid-sentence, trying to look for the word that conveys my thoughts most accurately and succinctly. Probably should stop drinking so much? Haha.
I’ve found that I’ve gotten more annoyed by some people, even close ones. My patience is not there, but I think it’s partially from work. I’m by no means unhappy, but working 7 hours a day programming can take its toll on your patience. There are ups and downs. I was frustrated for a whole day trying to debug some shitty code. I decided to scrap the entire module that was written by someone else and write it again, borrowing ideas but implementing it in a vastly more efficient and legible way. I slaved away for a couple of days and I’m nearing completion now. The sense of accomplishment you get when you finish a big piece of code or even a novel piece of code is amazing. But back to the point: programming every day can take its toll. You’ve spent all your patience debugging code. Today, I literally started laughing while coding. I just saw a bunch of “ifs” on my screen and somehow thought it was funny what I was doing… the very concept of programming, creating a maze of logic for a computer to iterate through.
One of the things on my mind recently is the fact that people stay in shitty relationships. Humans live according to their culture. Everything has to be taken into context. But take the context of the modern day idea of romantic love, the desire to be lifelong companions with someone else. For some, it is as if we subscribe to the religion of love. That’s why you hear people say “I [don’t] believe in true love.” Those who know me know that I am not a fan of religion – the idea of having blind faith in an idea or person. I’m a programmer – I try to think logically about most issues. Sure, I’ve been stung by this thing they’ve called “love.” It’s an emotion that most sane people feel at least some time in their life. Obviously, this struggle with romantic love affects everyone. You usually hear about the pain that comes with it: sleepless nights, crying, the numbing pain that grips you. However, these ideas are given to us by the media. Literally, I’ve been brainwashed [or programmed, haha] into being a hopeless romantic. It’s become a drug. It’s like a guilty pleasure, watching a tear-jerking romance movie. It’s an inconvenience when it hurts, but it’s great when it’s working out. I suppose you could consider it another form of entertainment. Get a boyfriend or girlfriend so you can pass your time with them.
Anyways, back to the point. Why is it that I hear about people complaining about the shitty relationships they are in, yet they refuse to end it? I would like to think i’m a socially acclimated person, and I know that the stories they are telling me are grounds for termination of the relationship. Yet it doesn’t happen. But I suppose this is where it vagues. I haven’t ever been in a long term relationship. I can tell them to break it off, but would I have the emotional strength to do so myself? The closest I’ve ever gotten to true love, it was severed from me. I clung on for as long as I could. I couldn’t let go. Back to the silly idea of how I [and many others] subscribe to the religion of love.
And now I will end this fairly long post with this video I enjoyed courtesy of my Facebook feed… a video of dark humor: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gUhCKFNuj3Q