when i started 2024, i thought of Chris Hemsworth. viewed from a distance, the man is living his best life – family, fame, fortune, sculpted body – he’s got it all. i watched his TV series Limitless and took inspiration where i could.
i thought at 35 years old, i should pivot to being a more responsible person. this started with reducing my alcohol and substance use – which freed up a lot of energy and time (surprising /s). i tried to eat and sleep better so i could be more productive each day. i thought about taking on big challenges and refusing to shrink my identity to just “husband and father.” i lived each day as if it was my last.
for the most part, i achieved what i wanted to. i’m proud to close this year having made significant strides in my goals and projects.
- Jan – hosted Kevin and did a snowy winter hike
- Feb – bought 2024 Kia Carnival (minivans rock), in-laws arrived from China in prep for baby Auggie’s arrival
- Mar – Carmel, CA trip w/ Shawn & Karina
- Apr – Sultan & Shepherd, Hasan Minhan, Anna Akana
- May – work trip to our New Mexico datacenter, Shawn & Karina visit Seattle (i threw up on the sidewalk of Capital Hill, lol), started pilot training, Sarah McLachlan concert
- Jun – Deception Pass camping w/ family friends
- Jul – Sunbreak ultimate frisbee tournament (always an amazing time)
- Aug – baby boy Auggie was born, start of 3mo paternity leave, Anjunadeep Open Air
- Sep – lots of pickleball and flying
- Oct – Hoang’s bachelor party in Chicago, family trip to Yosemite and visiting Shawn & Karina’s new house
- Nov – back to work, family road trip through Washington DC and New York City, Hoang and Diana’s wedding in Boston
- Dec – resumed climbing gym membership, family road trip to Victoria BC
reflections:
- grow with your children – there is a surge of energy that arrives with each child you are blessed with, and you can use that however you’d like. it can manifest in the form of a subtle panic that your life and hobbies are over, or as an opportunity to learn new hobbies that you can share with your children – maybe a little bit of both. your children will force the growth of your emotional intelligence and discipline (i mean, how else can you survive the onslaught of constant need and chaos and tantrums by undeveloped humans?). they won’t ask you whether you’re making progress in your side quests. that’s on you. i chose pickleball and flying.
- enjoy your youth – this one should come as no surprise to anyone but my bad habits have finally caught up to me. i should have stretched more, hydrated more, gotten that nagging injury looked at, done more PT, eaten more salads and yogurt, etc. unless you’ve won the genetic lottery that has granted you godly powers of healing, listen to your body and treat it well because you only have one. it is much easier to maintain than to acquire – so get fit and stay fit.
- flying is hard – i was hoping to get my Private Pilot License during my 3mo paternity leave but there were some recalls on the Cessna 162 fleet at my flight school that grounded the fleet and i lost a few weeks of flying opportunities. why not switch to another aircraft model? when you’re a student, you keep the same aircraft model to reduce the variables in your learning. currently, i’m at 82 hours flying hours and nearly at the end of stage 2 in my school’s PPL curriculum. there’s a lot of weather cancellations during this time of the year so progress is much slower, so i’ll likely get my license in the spring. the rule of thumb is that if you fly once a week, you merely maintain your skill level – so you need to fly 2-3 times a week to actually improve. schools will try to sell you on how fast they can get you through (notice the advertised $15k price tag if you finish within 60 hours). unless you’re a fulltime aspiring commercial pilot, finishing this quickly is unrealistic. my final cost – gear and training included – will be like $25k. that said, after i didn’t make my original goal, i changed my mindset to accept that this is a hobby and i don’t get too stressed from this longer timeline. more flying time with a CFI is also very useful because you simply will see different weather and scenarios, and that will greatly reduce your risk when you start flying solo. if you stay in general aviation (GA) long enough, you’ll hear some hairy stories and witness some yourself, and unfortunately, you’ll probably lose some people too. don’t get complacent and you’ll avoid becoming a statistic.
- multigenerational households aren’t so bad – i’ve been living with my in-laws for a while now. they recently received their green cards, so they’ll be a mainstay in my house at least 6 months of every year (requirement to maintain USA GC). grandma especially has proven herself to be an indispensable member of the household. she’s the primary reason i’m able to enjoy so many hobbies even through the birth of my second child. it costs more to travel with help but the overhead is totally worth it. a bonus is that the children could learn a secondary language (Mandarin in my children’s case). i see fellow parents that don’t have help and they end up losing their hobbies because their kids consume all their time and energy. for the first few years, if you can make it work, take the help from family. you’re gonna pay a lot in childcare and mental health otherwise.
- invest in the relationships you care about – figure out who your people are and commit. deep is better than shallow. it gets lonelier and lonelier as you age. as your friends start forming their families, you’ll hang out less often. American men struggle to get together regularly unless it’s under the pretense of an activity – and fatherhood makes it harder. don’t accept this reality and make excuses and start isolating yourself. keep making plans. keep reaching out. yes, there will be plenty of rejections and cancellations – but that’s just the messiness of complex lives trying to sync up. getting together will be worth it, i promise you.
i hope y’all have a great 2025. gl hf.