{"id":217,"date":"2019-09-11T12:48:56","date_gmt":"2019-09-11T16:48:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.matthewhuynh.com\/?p=217"},"modified":"2019-09-11T12:53:31","modified_gmt":"2019-09-11T16:53:31","slug":"existential-terror","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.matthewhuynh.com\/index.php\/2019\/09\/11\/existential-terror\/","title":{"rendered":"existential terror"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

editor’s note: i wrote the below blog post mid-July and saved it as a draft until i stumbled upon it today. i decided i’d publish it anyways because i enjoy having little snippets of my life crystallized into a digital timeline for later review.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

i have arguably one of the cushiest jobs in the world. i wake up sort of whenever i want. i get to work in whatever way i want – car, bike, electric longboard, rideshare. i can eat whatever i want. my work is challenging for the most part. i get rewarded handsomely by the market. but there’s a dullness to my life that i cannot escape.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

in the past few weeks, i’ve attempted to grapple with this mysterious wave of existential terror. i did some light internet research and came across an interesting theory: what if life is simply too easy for you?<\/a> you are just bored out of your goddamn mind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

recently, i’ve taken on rock climbing and hiking. i want to experience more difficulty so i am choosing harder and harder routes for both activities.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

i have a lot of free time. there are nights where i blow hours surfing Reddit. did all that short-form media enhance my life in a meaningful way? does it matter if it did? i worry i am spending so much time trying to optimize my life that i end up not enjoying it. start a new hobby? better get good at it. trying to find a new role? better stress out during the studying and interviewing trying to accommodate a compressed schedule.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

maybe the problem is that i can’t relax. there are times i am happy that i’m never satisfied with what i have. it’s that internal anxiety and drive that has allowed me to achieve so much in life. i’m very proud of what i’ve done as a first-generation immigrant. on the flip side, i’m never happy with where i am. logically, i know i should be. emotionally, i don’t feel content all the time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

this sounds like the whining of a spoiled millennial. i suppose it is. i’ll eat some avocado toast tomorrow morning while looking at my stock portfolio.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

editor’s note: i wrote the below blog post mid-July and saved it as a draft until i stumbled upon it today. i decided i’d publish it anyways because i enjoy having little snippets of my life crystallized into a digital timeline for later review. i have arguably one of the cushiest jobs in the world. … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “existential terror”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-217","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-ponderings"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.matthewhuynh.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/217","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.matthewhuynh.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.matthewhuynh.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.matthewhuynh.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.matthewhuynh.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=217"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/blog.matthewhuynh.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/217\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":221,"href":"https:\/\/blog.matthewhuynh.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/217\/revisions\/221"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.matthewhuynh.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=217"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.matthewhuynh.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=217"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.matthewhuynh.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=217"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}